This is my list: guys in their fifties named "Skip." What a fucking disgrace that place is! And these people with the fires and the floods and everything, they overbuild, they put nature to the test and they get what's coming to them. You'll never see the black guys going, "Oh, golly! My mind doesnt work that way, I got this real moron thing I do, its called thinking and Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions I have certain rules I live by. 2K views, 27 likes, 7 loves, 18 comments, 0 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dbstvstlucia: DBS MORNING SHOW & OBITUARIES 25TH APRIL 2023 APRIL 2023 No. ""Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? Grumpy, too much speed. You ever notice that? They own you. Contents 1 Quotes 1.1 FM & AM (1972) On the radio. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. You ever notice that? A big bowl. Birth control pills are still on prescription. ""Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that. Name six ways we're better than chickens See, nobody can do it! So about 80 years after the Constitution is ratified, the slaves are freed. People don't believe that! Nitwits, assholes, fuckups, scumbags, jerkoffs, and dipshits. That empty shit they shuffle around and repackage every four years doesn't mean a thing. The seven dwarfs were each on different little trips. Second, I don't vote, because I firmly believe that. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. Every single person, you can see the universe in their eyes if you're really looking. 15. Religion is nothing but mind control. Remember when "being up for the game" was kind of a spiritual thing? We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. By gyokusai August 29, 2010. creed of reason. To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! Here's my problem with the Ten Commandments: why are there ten? It's ridiculous and it goes to ridiculous lengths! Let me arrive safely back at my hotel room. They don't fall out of the sky. George Carlin Shitting on Government for 8 Minutes Straight When it comes to Gods existence, Im not an atheist and Im not an agnostic. Let me get a sip of water hereyou figure this stuff is safe to drink? Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. George Carlin, 29. Ice Cube Shares George Carlin Quote About Politicians: 'They Own You' When you get to Wikipedia, in the search field for Wikipedia, I want you to type in ". Hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one of the leading causes of death! Not always. ", I used to be Irish Catholic; Now I'm an American. It simply does not give a fuck about you! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!". One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. George Carlin, 49. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. They should be more vivid. Something I could really count on. In the army they give you a medal for spraying napalm on people! If you live on this planet, you're guilty, period, fuck you, end of report, next case. "Pre-heated" is a meaningless fucking term! Im an acrostic: the whole thing puzzles me. Let me know in the comments below and please share this post. They're privileges. Theres no present. And besides telling you things you shouldnt say, religion is gonna suggest some things that you ought to be saying; Heres something you ought to say first thing when you wake up in the morning; heres something you ought to say just before you go to sleep at night; heres something we always say on the third Wednesday in April after the first full moon in spring at 4 oclock when the bells ring. Religion is always suggesting things you ought to be saying. I dont like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. You know why? Living in this country, you're bound to know, every time you're exposed to advertising, you realize once again that America's leading industry, America's most profitable business is still: the manufacture, packaging, distribution and marketing of bullshit. Catholic kids are stupid; they don't know how to handle a pedophile priest. We can afford to cut defense; we cant afford to cut education. Term limits ain't going to do any good; you're just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. I gave up on my countrymen. Gave it a lot of thought, decided it was a good plan, put it into practice. They don't give a fuck about you. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. I'm the Founder of SucceedFeed.com and I truly appreciate you taking the time to read my posts and being apart of the Succeed Feed community. Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that shit. it simply doesn't give a fuck about you. If you take five white guys and put 'em with five black guys, and let 'em hang around together for about a month, and at the end of the month, you'll notice that the white guys are walking and talking and standing like the black guys do. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact Us, Ronald Reagan Religious Quotes To Live Your Life As A True Believer, www.brainyquote.com/authors/george-carlin-quotes, www.quotes.thefamouspeople.com/george-carlin-1484.php, www.everydaypower.com/george-carlin-quotes. Anyone who mentions Jesus more than three hundred times in a two-minute conversation. The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. George Carlin, 87. I feel that if I was figuratively dropped on the Earth and there was a political line, I would be just left of center. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, 10. It is one that we need to function as a society. 50 The Alchemist Quotes To Make You Follow Your Dreams, 195 Best Cobra Kai Quotes (Seasons 1 5), 70 Attack On Titan Quotes That Will Inspire Greatness, 37 The Lion King Quotes Filled With Powerful Life Lessons, Your email address will not be published. ""Deep Throat: Think about it. Hindus, Muslims, Jews, Christians; all taking turns killing each other because God told 'em it was a good idea. 45. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. George Carlin, 14. You name the country, we've got the plan. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, 26. I'd like to begin by saying fuck Lance Armstrong. People think it puts them above the fray. You don't. You have no choice. I think if white people are gonna burn down black churches, then black people ought to burn down the House of Blues! Of course, I wouldn't abandon the religious theme completely. And I would admit, that somewhere underneath all this there's a little flicker of a flame of idealism that would love to see it all huish! Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other peoples stuff. Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? Some of these one-liners included: "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. Because chickens are decent people. You know? They want obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Then he is the victim of an irony. Those who decide what news you will or will not hear are paid by, and tolerated purely at the whim of, those who hold economic power. 39. A Boy Scout master who owns a dildo shop. Here's another question I have. Now I feel better. And they're against gun control and they're against nuclear weapons control. The Zen Teachings of George Carlin, a Comedian Who Pointed the Way Judd Apatow and Michael Bonfiglio's new HBO documentary "George Carlin's American Dream" takes viewers on a tour through. BAD WORDS." Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Feel free to reach out and connect. But no, Dorko in the plaid knickers is gonna hit it again, and walk some more. Everyones at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, 40. George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. ""This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. Has been for thousands of years! I think we need some new Christmas carols with a more modern approach. They own you. The middle class pays all of the taxis, does all of the work. An airline pilot who has on two different shoes. To me, no person is a better example of that than George Carlin, a savage satirist and brilliant thinker who was just as much of a writer and a philosopher as he was a comedian. Remember that? And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. By clicking Accept All Cookies, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. Edited by Liz O. Baylen and Mike Benoist. It's interested in it's own power. I'm also tired of hearing about 'innocent victims'. You know what they want? George Carlin Shitting on GovernmentBuy Me a Pizzahttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/LaughPlGEORGE CARLINhttps://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialGeorgeCarlin/feedGeorge's websitehttps://georgecarlin.com/Social Media:\rInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/\rYoutube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiI_jyH_0yttWG-m5fBYGmA\rTwitter: https://twitter.com/laugh_planet\rWebsite: http://thelaughplanet.comContact us: ash98jha@gmai.com #GeorgeCarlin #Government #America #Comedy #LaughPlanet The low end of the speed spectrum, I grant you, but there are coffee freaks. Carlin, who was known for spewing critical rhetoric against the government, organized religion and big business, first delivered the quote during his 2005 HBO comedy special, Life Is Worth Losing . I'm the first one to say it's a great country, but it's a. Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities. "Pre-existing", "pre-planning", "pre-screening" you know what I tell these people? And camcorders: here is technology gone berserk. Because they got a letter from a minister in Mississippi! Keep 'em showing up at those. <style>.woocommerce-product-gallery{ opacity: 1 !important; }</style> And immediately, I thought of the sun. If he paralyzes Jack Tatum's son, that will be precisely ironic. When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. In many ways, the comedian has the ability to be the philosopher of our era, a social critic and theorist whose words have the ability to shape public thought. It's not intelligent to stand around with a controlled fire sticking out of your mouth. 46. A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. It's nice. 'Cause I got to tell you the truth, folks: when it comes to bullshit - big-time, major-league bullshit - you have to stand in awe, in AWE of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. "Well, it's God's will." I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. If youre preborn, youre fine; if youre preschool, youre fucked. They don't care about you at all -- at all -- at all. I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. It can help you a lot. George Carlin, 8. The person who drives the car they go for a drive, the other people they go for a ride. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity. All right, that's enough of that. Parents are full of shit, teachers are full of shit, clergymen are full of shit, and law enforcement people are fullofshit this entire country. Nah. Happy was into grass and grass alone Happy, that's all he did. I wouldn't be surprised if they came up with a birth control pill that doesn't work all the time; they'd call it "Baby Maybe"! But you ever notice there's no war on homelessness, is there? 28. Why are there ten? You know why? I dont have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. Save the planet! And we wont leave much of a trace. For instance: a diabetic, on his way to buy insulin, is killed by a runaway truck. "No." RT @WideAwake444: Government doesn't care about you. You work 40 years until you're too young to work. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. Banana Republic ran out of khakis? Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. What are your favorite George Carlin quotes? Why isnt selling fucking legal? I like people who buck the system. But if he starts that smart-ass fly shit, buzzing my head and repeatedly landing on my arm, he is engaging in high-risk behavior. Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. Keep your circle small. In the army they give you a medal for spraying napalm on people. During bombing raids in Iraq, the media liked to say that Saddam Hussein used people as, The fanatics have another name for fetuses. The rights and the rights of property. Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension. And the sad part is, is that most people seem to have been indoctrinated to believe that bullshit only comes from certain places, certain sources: advertising, politics, salesmen not true. And the people said "You know something? I want people to know that I take care with my writing, and try to keep my standards high. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. They try to divide the rest of the people. 27. It's as simple as that. 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It creates a hostile work environment." You dont. ""These days many politicians are demanding change. I've also grown weary of reading about clouds in a book. Fucking is legal. 21 George Carlin Quotes On Government And Politics In America, anyone can become president. Its a fucking sacrilege! Regarding public Christmas displays: At some point, someone who worked at Rockefeller Center must have said, "Boys, I have a great idea for Christmas. It presents itself as fairness, yet attempts to restrict and control peoples language with strict codes and rigid rules. George Carlin, 60. As we saw from my piece on Louis C.K. 101 Marianne Williamson Quotes That Will Enlighten You. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. Save the planet? George Denis Patrick Carlin was born May 12, 1937, in the Bronx, New York. One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. George Carlin, 51. Maybe evenremember them? And if you read the news even badly, you know that every year the list gets shorter and shorter. His father was from Donegal, Ireland, and his mother was Irish-American. Sleepy was into reds. Pretty neat deal, huh? George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. So, basically, what these anti-abortion people are telling us is that any woman who has had more than one period is a serial killer! Men do it, women do it; can't be all bad if everybody's doin' it. ""Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren't they? A cross-eyed nun with a bullwhip and a bottle of gin! Men are terrified that their pricks are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another, to feel better about themselves, and since war is the ultimate competition, basically, men are killing each other in order to improve their self-esteem! Here are some of our favorite George Carlin quotes on politics. Are these people kidding? The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers, but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Here are 51 quotes from the late comedian that show him at his best hilarious, irascible and never satisfied with the state of society. I'm a modern man, a man for the millennium, digital and smoke-free. I believe the list of ten commandments was artificially and deliberately inflated to get it up to ten. They don't want that. What a ratio that is: 399,993 to 7. The only story I know of where clouds are important was Noah's Ark! Heres another question I have: How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelet? You know, why should it be illegal to sell something thats perfectly legal to give away? It's all over the language now "pre"-this, "pre"-that, place the turkey in a "pre-heated" oven. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. George Carlin, 4. Long time ago, God made a Divine Plan. Selling is legal. [] I'm not interested. 'American Dream' documentary examines George Carlin's triumphs - NPR In civilian life you go to jail for giving someone an orgasm! I don't believe in road rage; I prefer the gentle rebuke. After all, he was one of the most successful comedians of all time! No contest! In America, anyone can become president. He was also known for his outspoken views on government and politics. While some of his views may not be popular among the masses, he does make an interesting point when it comes to government. Fewer Texans. Government is an important institution. Two is all you need; Moses could have carried them down the hill in his fuckin' pocket, and I wouldn't mind. George Carlin - Wikiquote Uber is a mobile app that hails cabs for you. And the proof of it, the proof of it is, they don't even trust each other. The right wing's last line of defense on campus. We had great gifts, and we gave it all up for both money and God We gave it all up to superstition, primitive superstition, primitive shit Invisible man in the sky, looking down, keeping track of what we do, make sure we don't do the wrong thing, if we do, he puts us in hell, where we burn forever. Fascism won it. Rights arent rights if someone can take them away. George Carlin Quotes on Politics - LiveAbout I'd like to repeat that, because it sounds *vaguely* important! Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. No kidding. Theyre privileges. 29. They all said: Try to live together peacefully. BAM! A new two-minute spot from Pattern Integrity Films features a famous rant from the late comic George Carlin set against a devastating set of images of Donald Trump's America. Everybodys going to save something now. You have owners. Quote by George Carlin: "Now, there's one thing you might - Goodreads They never mention that part to us, do they? They say rather than cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. 11. George Carlin I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam. We dont even know how to take care of ourselves; we havent learned how to care for one another. A boring game for boring people. "One thing leads to another"? And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town. George Carlin, 23. Of all the things you can do, giving someone an orgasm is hardly the worst thing in the world. It is a coincidence. George Carlin on Customs | between drafts They say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right to complain,' but where's the logic in that? We are on a nice downward glide. When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. But I said it with a smile. Now we're really going to get even: we're sending experts to show them how to run their economy. Let's face it, we have very little to work with. Tell him you've been coming there for 10 years and none of your wishes have come true. That would make a "He-man" an "It-person." They just care about having a comfortable place. Laugh until you gasp for breath. George Carlin, 3. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, 46. Goddamn there's a lot of stupid bastards walking around. 44. In one semester, in shop class, all the guys went from making zip guns to hash pipes. Doesn't anyone in this country stop and LOOK AT THINGS anymore? Something lofty and poetic: "Nay Family Way"; something earthhy and crude: "Mom Bomb"; something for the youngsters, "Junior Miss"; here's a real man's product, "Inconceivable"! Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? But happiness is not something I have, it is something I myself want to be. The CIA doesn't kill anybody anymore, they, I have certain rules I live by. So self-important. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. George Carlin was incendiary, he was hilarious, he was often the smartest dude (and biggest smartass) on the block, and he was a national treasure. This is an outmoded idea. He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. He was a "political" comic the way George Orwell was a "political" writer. Who the fuck is going to invade the US? ""I don't think we should be governing ourselves. I recently bought a book of free verse. I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. They say rather than cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Spoiler: advertising man says, "It's Good!". Am I right? Is this the noblest thing that women can think of? [points to chest] And if you're in tune with it, like the Indians, the Hopis, especially, the balance of life, the balance, the harmony of nature, if you understand that, you don't overbuild. Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. George Carlin, 45. Because I think we squandered great gifts. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.". You don't need ten. Looking for the best George Carlin quotes? I am perfectly willing to share the room with a fly, as long as he is patrolling that portion of the room I dont occupy. Were gonna save the fuckin planet? And, by the way, theres nothing wrong with the planet in the first place. If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air. George Carlin, 54. When are they gonna outlaw this shit? There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. How can [God] be perfect? But first thing the next morning, I became a sun-worshiper. So he's gotta do everything he can to fuck the other guy a little bit faster and a little bit harder. Because theres no money in that problem. You kick the priest in the nuts and say, "Fuck you, Father, I don't do that shit" And you're out the door. Didn't need any help on that ladder. It's like "pre-recorded" "This program was pre-recorded." I call it circling the drain And the circles get smaller and smaller and faster and faster, if you watch the sink empty Huish! Nothing left. The truth is, we dont have people like that. Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, 44. But most of this "humor" on the Internet is just plain stupid. But once you're born, you're on your own. I think humans were given great great gifts: walking upright, binocular vision, opposable thumb, large brain We grew. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. I'll give ya somethin' to put in your mouth!" People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. This is the best we can do folks. Thats our history. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. George Carlin, 33. The FCC, an appointed body, not elected, answerable only to the president, decided on its own that radio and television were the only two parts of American life not protected by the first amendment to the Constitution. A proctologist with poor depth perception. They call them the. Help me also to find a nymphomaniac coke connection who owns a Ferrari dealership. You might get there on time, but, screw the company, those first twenty minute belong to you, right? So they killed a lot of white English people in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out the rest of the red Indian people, in order to move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. You're a winner!" "Thy Will Be Done." Religion is just trying to control your mind, control your thoughts, so they're gonna tell you some things you shouldn't say because they're Smug, greedy, well-fed white people have invented a language to conceal their sins. If they say, Were the So-and-Sos, take a walk. And you know something? Theyre all in favor of the unborn. George Carlin - IMDb I took his shoes. Overnight I became a sun-worshiper. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. ""Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Nitwits, assholes, fuckups, scumbags, jerkoffs, and dipshits. Doesnt happen. What exactly is viewer discretion? You never see a memo that says 9:01. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, 37. If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. George Carlin, 11. Its a subconscious need to project the penis into other peoples affairs. One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is "libertarian". I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you ThreeToedPete 955 subscribers Subscribe 504 35K views 12 years ago Someday the people of this country are gonna realize that the government. Everyone's at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. Floating around the Internet these days, posted and e-mailed back and forth, are a number of writings attributed to me, and I want people to know they're not mine. It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, 65. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. Where are these people hiding? It's true! People are fucking nuts. But the Government Said I Have Rights | The Anarchist Library

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