Typically, only when their children are diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum do those around her begin to also suspect that her husband may be likewise neuroatypical. THIS IS HUGE! Acceptance of the diagnosis can be an important stage in the development of successful adult intimate relationships. Their lives seem directionless and they appear to drift along in life. Fortunately, more couples therapists are getting trained in identifying neuro-atypicality and learning how to work effectively with neurodiverse couples. After all, you wouldnt go to the trouble of evaluating whether you have a broken foot if, in the first place, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your foot. It occurs to the person that these intrusive thoughts are the produce of his or her own mind but they cant be stopped. It is commonly assumed that Aspergers makes someone too difficult to be around, unable to get along with people, too narrowly focused on their own interests, and too stubborn, self-absorbed and lacking in empathy to be a contributing member of society, a view that is narrow in its own right and sadly mistaken in many cases. He put a curse on her so that no one would ever believe her. In some cases, the NT wife has been emotionally deprived for so long that its to the point now where there are mental and physical ramifications. Perhaps you are a spouse wondering if your partner has Aspergers, a friend, acquaintance or colleague of someone you suspect has it, or perhaps you wonder if you might have it yourself. It has taken me this long to realize my husband is "on the spectrum". Going on 4 years with a resistant, undiagnosed man, and doing the best I can to navigate/survive/thrive without any support. Thank you so much for this. When I would complain, everyone would tell me how lucky I was. With this in mind, what is the actual process of finding out whether someone has Aspergers? I am also available to consult about this problem. They are the type of person that is others think of as the typical loner.. Additionally this caused me to question my sanity. Your email address will not be published. After you register, please email me [mbhutten@gmail.com] so I can send you the Skype link. I may not just know without you telling me, but I certainly can know if you do. Her family members don't understand what she's troubled by. While I agree with you that many couples in neurodiverse relationships, of course, have typical types of problems that all couples cope with, thats not the entire story. Jan 2018 - Jun 20191 year 6 months. If youre ready to get started, register using the PayPal. They may be frustrated, claiming that their partner refuses to talk about emotions, is overly controlling, 'narcissistic' or blames them when things go wrong. They can appear charming and talk with superficial ease, attempting to impress others and appear experts on numerous topics. One husband observed: My wife is highly intelligent and quite competent in her field. We advocate here that where there are allegations of child neglect or substance abuse, divorce professionals start to screen out for the presence of Asperger's Syndrome. Our groups are facilitated by Lisa Anzuldua, one of our caring team members. I have had many cases where I was able to conclude with confidence whether the person had Aspergers without seeing one single piece of written evidence about that persons past. It is all a matter of confidence, that is, with very few exceptions no one can say that someone else has Aspergers only that one has a certain degree of certainty that a person does have Aspergers. It is often a relief for spouses to discover that this is not only a myth, but that those on the spectrum can have cognitive empathy in abundance once they understand their partner's particular personal experience. The only person he seems able to be attached to and feel empathy for is his (enabling) mother. Along with these thoughts are repetitive behaviors or mental acts that the person feels driven to perform in order to reduce stress or to prevent something bad from happening. However, these are two separate issues, and both are true. Some people receive a diagnosis of Aspergers with discouragement and disapproval, believing they necessarily will be severely limited in how they can lead their lives. It is alarming that those who push this agenda refuse to engage in meaningful dialogue with objective individuals in order to control the narrative. With understanding comes greater empathetic response. I run a Cassandra Syndrome support group and give talks and advice to groups and professionals. -Dr. K, Neurotypical (NT) have tossed out the damaging accusations that neuro-atypicals (NA) have no empathy.. Similarly, having a diagnosis of Aspergers may lead others to assume the person will never be able to be as successful in life as neurotypical people. Of course women can be autistic. You can read more about Lisa on her bio page. When she backed out of a deal that she'd made with Greek God Apollo, he was angry. "Cassandra Syndrome" is a term that Dr. Tony Attwood first coined in his book, The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome. Another woman running an Aspergers "partners support group", toting Maxine Aston's bizarre doctrine and connections to hate groups like the late "Heartless Aspergers" website, convinces women their husbands have undiagnosed Aspergers and are the root of all problems. So, the support will be ongoing throughout the week, not just one hour per week. They are consistently and extremely irresponsible financially, in their employment, and with regard to their own safety and the safety of others. Complete . I said again and again that I felt I mattered least to him, like the "last chair in his orchestra," although when we were dating he behaved like a stereotypical star-struck lover. He means well and is a good-man. His mom is his only friend, confidant and enabler. In my clinical experience, these unions face a unique set of issues. They dont have the strong preference for logical patterns in things and people, an inability to read facial expressions or blindness to what is going on in other peoples minds that characterizes Aspergers. The untrained therapist, might ask her to describe the problem. Instead, their future will be filled with loneliness and alienation from others with no expectation of improvement. Can they have intimate relationships & be successful parents? 4th of July. An acceptable explanation to other people about the persons behavior is now available leading to the possibility of reconciliation with people who have had problems with the persons behavior. Adult Asperger Assessment (AAA) (include link, for each test below), Friendship and Relationship Quotient (FQ), Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale (RAADS), The Reading the Mind in the Eyes Test (RMET). A friend recommended joining a support group called Cassandra Support Group (Asperger's Syndrome) on FB as an observer, for the purpose of improving my own relationships. In Greek mythology, the god Apollo, gave Cassandra the supernatural gift of prophecy as a way of trying to win her affection. Discussion forums are free and many support groups are also free. My work is always client focused and I work with individuals, couples, families and companies. Hed just say I needed to see a Doctor. The Center's philosophy is based on an integrated approach to symptom management. They are frequently deceitful and manipulative so as to obtain money, sex, power of some other form of personal profit or pleasure. Tina, there is an awesome support group on meetup.com I know that it is still online, but it is something. In some cases, the NT wife has been emotionally deprived for so long that its to the point now where there are mental and physical ramifications. There are good things about him/us, but it's exhausting to do such a large proportion of the emotional labor. Thank you so much! Individuals with Aspergers have trouble understanding how people operate but they do respect others, whereas people with APD have no regard for people. A Neurodivergent Marriage - Couples retreats and Online Couples Therapy Sex was awful, he had issues but refused to discuss them, was awkward with intimacy and would never offer affection unless you specifically asked for it. "Cassandra Syndrome"? : r/MomsWithAutism - Reddit If your answer is Yes to any of these questions, this book is for you. If your spouse is saying she has Cassandra syndrome it's possible she's joined some of these groups and her outlook is becoming tainted by them. In the early 2000s, the term Cassandra Phenomenon, sometimes referred to as the Cassandra syndrome, was coined to describe a group of symptoms that often occur in individuals who live with or know adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder. However, when Cassandra refused Apollo's romantic advances, he placed a curse on her. Knowing someone has Aspergers opens up avenues to resources for help as well as access to programs to improve social inclusion and emotional management. They can consider what other people are thinking much easier than adults with Aspergers and they participate in the give-and-take of social interactions more readily. Cassandra Syndrome can also cause a neuro-chemical imbalance in the brain. SAD is caused by sunlight deprivation, which will cause a neuro-chemical imbalance in the brain. The first meeting covers general facts about the person, particular those relating to his or her present life. Even once they are told they are living in a neurodiverse marriage, it takes them a while to re-adjust their mindset. He refuses to consider that he might need an evaluation. Dear NT Ladies, My heart goes out to those who are experiencing the symptoms of Cassandra Syndrome. Required fields are marked *. In addition, Social Anxiety Disorder may be present in children but more commonly it develops in adolescence and adulthood whereas Aspergers can be traced back to infancy. End of. The impact on being around one is actually worse. The answer lies in how much these characteristics affect the persons social, occupational or other important areas of functioning. Thanks, Maya! He may be a wealthy and successful husband, calm, rational and articulate. It is called 'Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD'. I am better now and am addressing all of the comments Ive received. Sitting down and talking to someone makes the difference between an assessment of Aspergers that has a high degree of confidence and one that is questionable. They are withdrawn because it makes life easier. Even if I, or the children, were upset there would be no simple hug and concern, he would be annoyed and confused as to why we were upset, especially if we should be doing something else. Individuals with Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD) disregard and violate the rights of others. e You: Thriving Beyond Cassandra Syndrome". So it is no surprise that when a wife describes how she suffers from emotional deprivation in her marriage, she is doubted. He had no awareness of mine or our childrens feelings, how our feelings may impact an event or situation and it became despairing. The third and final meeting is a time to clarify questions that were not completely answered in the previous meetings, gather additional information and raise additional questions that have emerged from the information collected so far. The list of symptoms that sometimes occur with someone in a close relationship with an Autism Spectrum Disorder adult is too long to describe in this article, but several reactions are notable. Once a woman or man married to a person who is NA recognizes the work to be done, I have found them to be deeply relieved to be on a positive track to a healthier and happier marriage. There is a lot of true hatred and misinformation that is spread across the internet regarding neurodiverse people. Thanks so much for this article. Many times, if he is an older man who has mild autism spectrum disorder, he would have been diagnosed. Cassandra was a beautiful woman whose beauty seduced Apollo into granting her the gift of prophecy. well it doesnt matter; been uttered. I lived the most wonderfully hurtful life possible being the mother. All too often, spouses and partners of adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder are met with puzzled looks, bewilderment, or even skepticism when describing their relationships. If, for example, the core characteristics of Aspergers lead a person to speak in few sentences, interact with people only around very narrow, special interests and communicate in odd, nonverbal ways, we can say that these are indicators that a diagnosis of Aspergers is correct. Presenting these findings is a multi-step process. "Mark Hutten's Cassandra Syndrome Recovery Group in September 2021 has been life-changing for me. Women have often been accused by the medical establishment of being melodramatic and exaggerating their physical symptoms. My friend and landlady who is Aspie says, "When you've met one ASD person, you've met one ASD person. The Cassandra Phenomenon In the early 2000's, the term Cassandra Phenomenon, sometimes referred to as the Cassandra syndrome, was coined to describe a group of symptoms that often occur in individuals who live with or know adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder. FAAAS is basically an anti-Asperger's / Anti-Autistic Hate group camouflaged as a support group. I am capable of getting along with society. I'm starting to thrive. My work is not related to the psychological field however since my task is more to this expertise I'm beginning to understand more about mental state. Of course, it is possible that people in someones life will react to the diagnosis of Aspergers by alienating themselves from that person. They readily understand when a statement such as, its raining cats and dogs is being used as a figure of speak and not as a literal statement. It is not recognized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Private (Mark, you may share this testimony on any platform publicly with my first name displayed.) This group may be helpful for students who are generally high functioning but may want support with imposter syndrome, want to manage stress more effectively, or to connect with other graduate students. With the knowledge that one has Aspergers, joining a support group, locally or through the Internet can provide a sense of belonging to a distinct and valued culture and enable the person to consult members of the group for advice and support. We will be meeting one hour every week for four weeks, but youre certainly welcome to continue as long as you need to. -Dr. K. Grateful for the even-handed public education. The core features of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) are frequent and persistent thoughts, impulses or images that are experienced as unwelcomed and uninvited. Copyright 2023 Couples Therapy Inc., all rights reserved. To do that, an experienced professional needs investigate two things: the persons medical, developmental, social, family and academic history; and how the person responds to a face-to-face assessment of social reasoning, communication of emotions, language abilities, focused interests, and non-verbal social interaction. She is also the founder and president of Couples Therapy Inc. Dr. K feels passionate about couples therapy and sex therapy and holds a deep respect towards those who invest in making their relationship better. Overall, sounds, temperature differences, visual images and tastes more easily overwhelm adults with Aspergers than adults with ADHD. Damage to ones self-esteem as a result of disapproval, ridicule, discrimination and rejection is possible when knowledge of an Aspergers diagnosis is disseminated. In public he is social and very talkative but cannot carry a conversation without taking it over. Support for their point of view is also difficult to come by but Cassandra Syndrome Counseling helps the client and family. My grandmother had polio, lost the use of one leg, was kept in bed in a leg cast for a year because that was the prevailing medical advice in the rural Midwest, was fortunate and went to college (govt. Often this gives others the impression that they lack emotion. Shining a little extra light on the fact that it is always important, with every human being, to consider the whole person in addition to noting strands of commonality. Diagnosing Aspergers is a fairly easy process in principle. Cassandra Syndrome Recovery [Ladies Only Please] - Facebook She's in an ongoing traumatic relationship syndrome. I really need to work through the issues that coincide with Cassandra Syndrome in order to move forward in my life, Check the therapy board at aane.org. Often shouting as a reaction to something he didnt understand. This is no way to live life, and a huge shift in dynamics has to happen. I miss my best friends or family when we are apart for a long time. The difference between these two conditions is that people with Social Anxiety Disorder lack self-confidence and expect rejection if and when they engage with others. When someone with Bipolar Disorder is in a manic state or depressed they may not interact socially as they might if they were feeling normal, they might be withdrawn, lack much emotional response to situations in their life and lose interest in relationships but the changes in their emotional condition is much different than people with Aspergers. We address the ways in which Lisa helps others heal through her support groups, therapy and coaching. Freakier still is that, several years ago, without yet suspecting my husband was on the spectrum (despite the fact that his father was textbook, and not very high functioning [ended up homeless and then in assisted living for nearly three decades], and every sibling also displays strong traits), and without ever having heard of this phenomenon, I voiced several times that I "felt like Cassandra from the Oresteia." Cassandra Syndrome describes a woman who tries to tell others about her life with an autistic partner and is not believed. Cassandra Syndrome. Or they may prefer a certain type of sensation and, a certain type of music, for example, and seek it over and over. Cassandra Syndrome Recovery Just as often other people, in researching Aspergers symptoms, believe the person coming to see me has those very characteristics and therefore must have Aspergers. Adults with ADHD tend to process sensory input in a typical manner. Like the mythological character, she knows what's happening to her, but she's not believed. Now youll have the moral support youve needed for so long.Ill be recording the sessions, so if you cant attend live, there will still be some benefit to joining the group. Healing Cassandra The Empathizing-Systemizing Theory of Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder. It remains very, very difficult. Superficial social contact, niceties, passing time with others are of little interest. I am a clinical psychologist in San Francisco with 30 years of experience evaluating and treating adults with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). It can be exciting to consider how ones life can change for the better knowing what one is dealing with. First, I explain that certain characteristics are central to Aspergers syndrome. It describes a situation where an individual with Asperger's Syndrome (a form of autism spectrum disorder) is in a relationship with a neurotypical partner. Cassandra Syndrome and Emotional Deprivation Disorder Counseling

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